gayathri

it has, and I blame being happy, working hard, riding my bicycle and continuing positive changes in my world.

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Speaking of cats, cutting this short, heading on home to run some errands and get them to my place. I wfh tomorrow, getting the chimney swept, and need to straighten up the house a bit so there's access to the fireplace. :)

Sometimes, Yoga ends up being a lot about facing the not so 'cute' things in my life, my head so full of grief, or anger, or sadness, or pain. Its been a good thing to move through those feelings, to sit with them, to really 'feel my feelings'. I'm amazingly grateful for the time and space that happened to me (or I allowed to happen myself) to do this.

Last night wasnt like that. Last night was so completely different that I've been sort of walking in a daze, amazed at the world.
( the Gory Details...  )and when things were hard - like my hips and ankles were just not interested in moving in certain ways last night, I'd get as comfortable as possible, and pray as I did as a child, breathing in and out:




when I was a child, these were similar to images that I liked depicting some of my favorite representations of God, so its comforting, joyful, and in my mind, a sign of peace when I see them. (tho the images in my head are always much darker. ;) darker blue in fact.)
 

So not perfect in that all I have is the breath, but a deep peace being in the moment.

The not so philosopical parts: was amazing and lovely to see Rhiannonstone, and to meet her friend. Its good to share this space with you! She was kind enough to pick up an item from Lush and in case I did have an allergy to it, seal it up in a ziploc bag! I love when friends notice these things and do it to take care of me.

Always speak of the past, gratefully.

Of the future, excitedly.

And of the present, Gayathri, with bobbing eyebrows and a Cheshire grin.

Spiritual politics, baby -
   --- The Universe

I sometimes know, in the moment, when Yet Another Fucking Learning Experience occurs, that I will be grateful for it, but in that moment, I'm just so angry and annoyed at the Universe, I'm even angry about knowing I'll be grateful later.

But today, I'm grateful for the events of my past, for they make me the person I am right now, and she's awesome. (In many definations of awesome, btw!) 

B made the Timpano from the movie. CRAZY - the meatballs were so good, and the entire thing was insanely dense. I'll definately want to make this again, I have some ideas on a vegetarian version so llamaeyes will enjoy it more! (plus I wont have to handle meat) 

Friday, I went shopping with SK - she took me to a high end consignment shop, where I ended up trying on mostly jeans - I didnt buy any of the uber small sizes jsut for my vanity, but it was an interesting experience being able to to try on clothes and hand them back as 'too big'. Except in the case of this amazing gucci jacket - wool pinstriped, _almost_ fit. ALMOST, damn it! It looked good too. :)

But the best part was not having those moments of self hatred in the dressing room but being able to look at things and say, "oh, that doesnt fit," and not have it be an indictment on what a terrible person I am for not being thinner. Amazing the stories we have in our heads!

I did find dress pants. :) 

and a pair of boots. anwyay.

Now I'm just waiting on B - we're off to Santa Rosa to go mountain biking!

I'm planning on moving off of LJ, tho will still crosspost.

Testing to see if open posts work, then if any custom groups are working as well.

I'm in NY this weekend - my brother is getting married and they had their engagement party on Saturday. This was a little crazy, I hadnt seen some of these folks since i"d graduated High School, or had attended their weddings 20 years earlier. They have kids in college now. COLLEGE.

It was a little tough showing up at an event like this - stuff that isnt so important 'feels' more so, due to cultural mores - many of my generation are married, have kids, own houses, no divorces, etc. instead I'm single, I'm unemployed, I dont have a house. At the same time, there were other cousins and childhood friends in the same 'boat', and we stuck together!

It was good to catch up, and my friend Arthur came to visit, tho one of my aunts insisted on being incredibly rude to him, speaking about him in our langauge, right in front of him. I put a stop to it by translating what she was saying.

Mom had to have the event catered - there were over 70 people at it, so the food wasnt the highlight for me. I barely ate, actually, missing the Idli/Sambar entirely.

It was nice spending time with Shauna and her friends too, I'm really happy for my brother.



Other things going on: the job hunt goes! (slowly, but going)
Victoza still doing its crazy miracle work - losing weight, still feeling good. I sometimes feel guilty at how 'easy' it is, but the same time, I couldnt have gotten HERE without some pretty hard work. And the 'easy' isnt that easy - I really have to pay attention when my body says "stop" or "dont eat that". I kinda miss fried chicken!

I started Yoga! Its a style called Anusura, that fits really well for me in not feeling too rigid, more like the practice I had with my family as a child. I like the teacher a lot, as she feels 'safe' and encouraging. I'm planning on checking out some other classes at this studio during the day as well. Some other folks in my life started with me, and I want to thank them again - I've had a lot of 'issues' around taking up yoga in the US, but their support in coming with me, and in being vocal about enjoying the classes has really helped a lot in keeping my confidence up to go and go again. I really appreciate that!

Need to start bicycling more - I'm signed up for a metric century in I think late September and I have to get my hillclimbing chops up.

I've started riding my motorcycle more as well - taking a day off each week from job hunting, etc to clear my head - I have some pics up: http://www.flickr.com/photos/vrika/tags/moto/



The weather on Long Island is the terrible heavy muggy that makes me want to stay indoors. I wont because the call of good pizza for lunch...

Really looking forward to being back in SF tomorrow! I have some new cooking ideas from Amma I want to try out on my friends. :) 





I want to send a BIG HUGE shout out to littletranquil  - her mom is going into the 1st of 25 days of radiochemotherapy, and I want to send out lots of love and strength to them both.

meet the newest member of my family: Jupiter!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/vrika/sets/72157624151486374/

she's happily awake from her nap and is playing with some new toys...

(and she already ran across the keyboard...) 

*happy*

In just four short days, I'll be up in Napa for my third time ever, spending the day with hundreds of other cyclists riding in the Tour De Cure in Yountville,  a ride sponsored by the American Diabetes Association to raise money and awareness for diabetes research.

Rough, right? I'll be doing wine tours, on Saturday and Monday, riding my bike on Sunday, eating at the great restaurants in Yountville during the weekend... but what brought me here was not just that I myself have been actively struggling with diabetes but that family members are also being diagnosed. I was diagnosed at 22, at a point in my life where I was very active, in good shape, and not at all overweight. I ignored it for years, barely taking notice of it, much to the distress and distancing of very good friends and loved ones back east. It wasnt until some more severe health issues occurred that I started taking it seriously, and taking care of myself. I'm still not where I want to be - but I'm further along than before! taking the step to do this ride has encouraged me and my friends and loved ones to start riding our bicycles, and I dont think we'll be stopping when we are done up in Napa.

One of the best parts of this ride has been the encouragement of my endocrinologist to start up with a medication that has taken me off of insulin for the first time in _years_. I'm able to eat and process food like a 'normal' person! I can skip meals! I'm able to eat pasta! I'm not having blood sugar lows! (or extraordinary highs either!) This has been _amazing_ - those final pounds I've been unable to lose due to taking insulin are coming off, and while its not a cure, I may have found another method of maintaining my blood sugar that is really good for me and works!

I may never be able to undo all the harm I did to myself not quite understanding what it meant to have diabetes as a young woman -  I already have neuropathy in my extremities and may continue to lose feeling in my limbs, but I can and have made a continued commitment to caring for my body, for my health and continuing to look forward to living an active, healthy lifestyle.

Just 4 more days!  If you want to help, please donate even the cost of a cup of expensive, san francisco style, barista pulled, sustainably grown by monks in high mountains, cup of coffee (have you been to Four Barrel, Barefoot, or Philzz?) - if you do, I'll make you a cup of one of those fancy coffees. Folks who donate more than 50 dollars and are local to the bay area, I'll be happy to cook you a healthy, yummy fantastic South Indian feast (sometime in late june or early july): just click here: http://main.diabetes.org/goto/gayathri


with much love to you all for reading this far,

Next week is the Tour De Cure for the ADA in Napa. I'm signed up to do 50 miles. I'm _excited_ about this - so this weekend, we drove up there to try and do about 40 miles along the route - which is by far the longest ride I've ever done. I've been not as consistent as I'd like about training, but feel confident that now that the bicycle fits, the shoes clip out and in easily, that this will be hard but not insane.

40 was hard - I did have some leg / thigh muscles cramp up due to lack of potassium - but plenty of electrolytes and stretching during the stops I made it to about mile 35, where I really just thought I might curl up and die - I was _tired_ - but I remembered this episode of Radio Lab that Byronium had played for me about how our bodies basically fool us into not using our 'last reserves' or that we often have much more endurance than we think we do.  (http://blogs.wnyc.org/radiolab/2010/04/05/limits/ ;) *edited to add* So I pushed on, and had my very first endorphin high while exercising - suddenly, I felt great! My pedaling was stronger, and more consistent, and I felt like I could go on forever. So I didnt stop until I got to the end and then drank more cytomax than I thought possible. :-) It was a really neat experience! 

One great accident on this ride was putting my foot down, slipping and FALLING INTO THE ROAD. You know, the one called Silverado where cars whiz by!  I manage to get up and in my excitement, flung my glove someplace. So I rode back all Michael Jackson style.



The best part was coming into the finish, seeing llamaeyes, byronium and anthropomorphic cheer for me. :) I did pretty good!

Today, my legs are sore from where the muscles cramped and the bottoms of my feet hurt (I think from the shoes) but mostly I remember passing orange roses, lots of poppies, and miles of vineyards...

This week, tuesday, another short ride, and thursday too. Stretching all this week, and drinking lots of cytomax and smartwater.

:)

Blood sugars are awesome! weight keeps melting off, things keep moving in the right direction.

One more week to help me: http://main.diabetes.org/goto/gayathri

yea, so like its still doing its thing making me not want to eat much. But the only things I want to eat are... south indian SPICY foods! I mean, I totally want to go home to Amma for like a week.

The other great thing is that while I'm not eating much, I feel like my energy is doing really well! I had to jog half a mile today and it wasnt bad at all! (I sitll hate running, but I had to get to the car shop before they closed and I did it!) 

Next year, definitely planning on doing this event with close friends - I think the distraction of trying to get to know people who arent either friends, or at work and dont have the same professional level of trust and understanding, made this far harder than it should have been.