gayathri

 I wasnt sure a week ago that I'd be able to ride on Sunday. Even Saturday, my blood sugars were still all over the map. I felt like crap. My emotional control was pretty weak, leaving me feeling very lost and out of touch with the people around me. 
( Read more... )(next post, the ride itself!) 

@byronium and I went to this last night: http://www.diabetes.org/in-my-community/local-offices/san-francisco-california/

and i'm really glad I did! It was fun meeting other Red Riders, and I learned about: http://teamwild.org/ <- women triatheletes with diabetes! omg.

I also met some awesome women who were really inspiring, as well as had an opportunity to talk to Dr. Suneil Koliwad, a research doctor at UCSF! We had a great chat about some things to try to help me with longer distance bicycling, and he recommended how to find a few doctors who might be helpful in terms of knowing enough about diabetes and athletic training to see if I can get over some humps.

I was really touched by some of the stories presented - I didnt know who the Bachelor was (probably the ONLY woman there who didnt) but his father's story was similar enough I was choked up about being afraid of admitting to it. It brought up struggles around being silenced by my family's shame, to silencing myself, to ignoring it, to letting it get out of control. I'm glad I had a wakeup before it actually killed me.

Who knew that 26 million people suffer from this? I didnt. Its impacted from so many issues from food safety, access, ethnicity, choices made by our parents, choices made by us in the past, its so complicated! 

The biggest, scareiest thing for me is that Just Having Diabetes, I've _doubled_ my chances of having a heart attack.

Some quick facts from last night: 

• Diabetes affects 25.8 million people of all ages
  • 8.3 percent of the U.S. population
• Among U.S. residents ages 65 years and older, 10.9 million, or 26.9 percent, had diabetes in 2010. (My father and uncle are in this group, btw.) 
• In 2005–2008, based on fasting glucose or hemoglobin A1C (A1C) levels, 35 percent of U.S. adults ages 20 years or older had prediabetes—50 percent of adults ages 65 years or older. Applying this percentage to the entire U.S. population in 2010 yields an estimated 79 million American adults ages 20 years or older with prediabetes.

• Diabetes is the leading cause of kidney failure, nontraumatic lower-limb amputations, and new cases of blindness among adults in the United States.
  • AMPUTATIONS! BLINDNESS! huge fears for me. :/ 
• Diabetes is a major cause of heart disease and stroke.
• Diabetes is the seventh leading cause of death in the United States.

I'm deeply grateful for @byronium for coming with me last night, and for all my friends who are doing the ride both for themselves and in supporting me, it means a whole lot!


Please support me: even just the cost of a cup of coffee would mean a tremendous amount!

 I did a metric century bicycle ride at the start of the month. Rides of 20-30 miles are easy enough to do these days without huge amounts of prep or even better,  recovery. I think I've got most of the food issues with using Victoza under control, and the things I felt like I needed a ton of support around with @byronium are mostly under control. 

My next goals are to start riding with other people who are better than me, not just @byronium - I"m holding HIM back in his riding because of his having to take care of me, and I finally feel good enough I can do this more on my own. I'm excited about this feeling of comfort for me around bicycling. My coworkers are getting more adamant about my trying it too. :) 

To make things more exciting, @byronium suggested he train for the 100 mile ride during the Napa Tour De Cure. :) I dont know yet if I'll try that, but I do want to sit with him and create the training plan and see if we / he can stick with it to do it. 

I know I can do the 50, no problem. Its flat! I think I can do the 80, so that's what I was aiming for, but for a century, this one isnt bad, especially with the elevation profile. 

I'm already signed up, btw: http://main.diabetes.org/goto/gayathri if you feel like helping me out with a donation. What I'd love help with this year is coming up with a plan to actually raise money. Wine and Art broke even, and I'm not sure if its because I didnt advertise it well, or what, but I need some marketing / fundraising help!! 

I'm looking forward to skiing this year! The season should be fun. 
I've also got my swim stuff together, so as soon as @llamaeyes is feeling well enough (or if someone else can) I'd like a few lessons to learn to paddle and breathe at the same time. :)

Given the vagaries of schedules coming up, this past weekend, was the one that we'd decided to try and do the pre-ride for the Piccolo Fondo. Trying to prevent more of the previous week's mishaps - I was finally forgiven with our Saturday friends for missing dinner entirely and almost missing the event itself - but only because @byronium cooked the most amazing pot roast the next evening to make up for it... I completely over-managed the actual ride planning, resulting in still yet ruffled feathers. I think most of them smoothed out but it did mean that I didnt get to spend a lot of time with @byronium except on the ride itself. But that was more than made up for by driving with @llamaeyes with the top down! and the heated seats! 

We got going about 30 minutes later than planned, but I'm really happy with how I did on this ride. Moving speed of 11.1 miles an hour would make for a pretty respectable pace if I can keep it up for 6 hours. My seat is not in the right place anymore and the muscles around my knees were suffering. i'm really looking forward to the fitting I'm getting done next weekend. 

Been working on making sure my blood sugar is good on these rides, andt his time, tried adding some perpetuam to my cytomax to try and add some protein to my liquid diet. It worked well, didnt really make me feel like I was going to throw up from having food in my stomach. 

This ride went better than last week's, tho the middle part, from mile 13-15 took a lot longer than I had expected - both @rhiannonstone and @llamaeyes struggled, but they made it! what a great inspiration for me! 

I had this weird reminder this weekend too, by @llamaeyes pointing out that I dont look like her on a bicycle. That other than my middle, i'm getting so lean in every way. (I think it makes my fat parts look fatter, actually, but I know I have an odd view of what I look like) The less weight is making it easier to go faster, having my flat speed be closer to 19mph and even to let the uphill speed get to something faster than walking. 

The worst part of the ride for me was the downhill where @byroniium hit abot 41mph - I had to slow down, because I jstu couldnt see - the overhanging trees were so dark, and the road was narrow, and it was hard to know if a car was going to do something stupid. I did have one almost hit me - a car with a bike rack on its back, with the driver yelling something unintelligible. Thanks, thanks for nothing at all, jerk! 

Biggest issue for me was my feet cramping up - the shoes are too loose! it hurt a lot. :( but didnt hurt my actual riding - i pedaled thru the pain, knowing hot water and ibuprofed would help it later. 


Getting back, @llamaeyes and I abandoned @byronium and @rhiannonstone around mile 26, as @llamaeyes was starting to feel like everything was going to go to hell and she really wanted to make sure she was back to her car. Of course, this is when we get lost. Fortunately for me, I recognized a road name and ralized we must have missed a turn. We added 2 miles and a hill to our ride, but poor @llamaeyes did it! @byronium and @rhiannonstone showed up a little after we did, finding the correct route tho there was mention of a gravel path - it wasnt clear if the correct route had offroading or they were just on the wrong part of the road. 

it still felt really great to be getting faster, even on the hills. My coworker, Stork thinks that I'll have the hills conquered as long as in my head, they are. I think its a mix of both making sure I get some longer distance biking in the next few weeks, as well as some seat time just pedaling during the week. 

Looking forward to the challenging month ahead! 

http://connect.garmin.com/activity/104848507

I dont actually like big group rides. Let me just get that out of the way. The very first big ride I did was the Cinderella Classic, and I didnt finish it, but it was ok 'cause @crayonbeam, @JR, and @alicia were all there, and I had a pretty good time.

The next one, the Portland Bridge Pedal - I got it into my head it would be fun to go and ride over these bridges with Byron. And it was. I got a new bike. and then started riding more.

The next big group ride I did was the ADA Tour De Cure, and that had its own stressors - coming out as a diabetic (or a person with diabetes? still not sure how I identify there) But the actual ride itself, 50 miles in Napa, was amazing. It was really well managed, the rest stops were in the right places, and the encouragement from random strangers was so encouraging! I did great. Its still my 'gold standard' for organized bike rides. :)

The next big ride I did was 63, and it sucked. So many reasons - I didnt train at all, the metric century had hills that were insane. My body just wasnt going to do it, and it gave up. Ever since that ride, I've had this terror of hills - I am still not sure if its physical or psychological, but I've been really working hard on dealing with the psychological and taking the appropriate meds for the physical (Panic attacks, utter anxiety and fear, an inability to breath or see straight) But the ride itself was really scarey as well with the rolling start, so many REALLY good cyclists, the pseudo-encouragement from better bikers. Gah. I hated it. I'm going back this year just to prove to myself that I can do it. And to give the finger to those annoying 'helpful' bikers. (I'm still utterly terrified when I think about Coleman Valley Road...)

I wasnt sure about doing this one, so soon before the portland bridge pedal, but @rhiannonstone's been getting more into riding as well, and suggested we all go. Touted as a good ride for beginners to group rides, there was a 20, 31, 56/63 mile routes. After being prompted a few times by byronium , we opted for the 31.

I suggested that we pre-ride some of the route a few weeks before to see what might be problematic or what might need some work and so we did, last sunday: http://gayathri.dreamwidth.org/2011/08/01/ and rhiannonstone posted about her ride: rhiannonstone.dreamwidth.org/102817.html

But we didnt do the 10 mile loop up to the Pulgas Water Temple, and I was a little nervous about how I'd handle the hills. It didnt help that when I got home sat night after dinner, I realized my front tire was completely flat again. That would make four flats in 3 weeks. AHRGH> but the thing about this is that I've gotten really good at taking off the tires and pulling the tubes.

@rhiannonstone had tweeted about ruining her manicure working on her bicycle, which reminded me to wear nitrile gloves while I did mine. ;)

Sleeping the night before was funny. I kept having annoying dreams about the ride itself. The ride itself was _awesome_ - we found each other easily, bikes were ready, we were ready, and off we went!

Its hard riding in a big group especially when I'm not that great at starting from a stop sometimes. For whatever reason, I felt really good and strong today and taking some of @llamaeyes suggestions, on this, I kept thinking more about how I was going to be successful vs how it was hard, and also just looking 10 feet in front of me when it got really tough.

We actually parted ways with @rhiannonstone and @llamaeyes before the big hill they had to tackle and headed to the water temple. This was a grind, but not bad, the worst part was how _damn_ cold it was that day - my chest wouldnt get warm enough and I kept having to use my inhaler to manage the cold induced asthma. :( As long as I was moving, I was fine. As soon as I stopped, this would start to physically hurt my muscles. :( Up the hill to the overpass - this section was a little scarey. The road was an unkempt bike path, very steep and narrow - it felt a little more like I was offroading vs road riding, but it was good when we finally hit the downhll section onto the road to the water temple.

This was a long slight downhill, and I got myself tucked in behind @byronium and got into the big ring. This was great, we were pedaling hard and I got up to 26 mph before we had to slow down for the rest stop / turn around. This was at mile 11ish, so we still had a good 20 miles to go, so as soon as I warmed up - this was the ONLY SUNNY SPOT we hit the whole ride, we turned around and headed back.

It got colder, damper, and even rained on me - the worst was as I was trying to get uphill across the narrow bridge andI could no longer see - my glasses had fogged up and it was raining. This was the only panic inducing point on the ride, but I kept breathing and pedaling and visualizing the road being easy and clear and safe.

Fun was finally catching up to @byronium and seeing he had a friend pedaling behind him - this woman in all pink with a Specialized Ruby in white with pink glitter crystals all over it. We tackled that last bit, and I got to the top, a little out of breath, but no panic! not bad.

Resting through a few light changes, we head on down the hill to get to the intersection where we parted ways with @rhiannonstone and @llamaeyes - I knew the hills coming up, but felt pretty strong about making it. The rest of the ride actually went really well - we hit Sawyer Camp Trail, and I tucked in behind B and someone else and we paced at a nice steady speed, I really enjoyed this, we were steady and I felt smooth and at home.

(Except my new Hincapie bib shorts kept moving around. Turns out I got the wrong size. You can't really sell a pair of bike shorts, even if you've only used them once, sadly)

Anyway, l managed not to damage anything with the not quite right fitting shorts. When we got back down the hill and were on the last leg pedaling away - I realized that I ahd energy, and pulled ahead of Byron and upped the pace to closer to 20mph. This felt great. :) But I did get tired, and ralized why people switch doing that. Coming into the end, we almost didnt go over the finish, but made the turn to see llamaeyes, and rhiannonstone cheering us on! That was really nice. :)

PIcnic with mango, proscuitto, crackchips, diet pepsi, stories, running into princeofwands and karenbynight and their family (and their really cute friend, Chris? rowr.) The great part was while I was tired, I wasnt wiped out. And the days after were also ok!!

Saturday night was awesome – Byron had thawed out some meatballs, and Clairese cooked the spaghetti and meatballs for us, as well as made an awesome salad. So yum. We ate too much. Big huge monster thanks to Clairese for all her support – feeding us, as well as being super supportive.

Sunday, woke up at 630 am, checked my blood sugar: normal for me, 133
read Clairese’s note on the board wishing us luck, felt the love!

Started drinking cytomax, and had 1/3 cup of slow cooked oatmeal with about a tablespoon of peanut butter and some brown sugar. Just enough to fill me up! Hopefully not enough to slow me down later with the digesting.

Loaded up the bikes and headed to Palo Alto… I started feeling nervous – I’ve been really struggling with panic attacks around riding my bicycle, and after talking with my dr about this, had tried on a few rides before, taking something to reduce the anxiety. Its actually been working really well. I CAN ride my bicycle, I just have occasional overwhelming fears that devolve into utter panic when I don’t need that reaction. Slowly, its abating, but its going to take more bike rides that push those boundaries. (which really, aren’t that bad, considering – 30 miles of rolling hills is doable on my style of bike, and when I’m not freaking out, I can average about 12 – 14 mph, 18 on the flats… )

I’m very grateful that Byron didn’t do the 75K ride and did the 50Km with me instead. It was good to have his support especially in the last few km when my legs started cramping up. I drank tons of electrolytes, but I think I hadn’t eaten enough of my cliff blocks. Still need to get back to the Endo to check those levels to see what’s up with that – sometimes its fine, sometimes, its insane. Today, my legs are still a little swollen from the bad cramping!

Good thing was no panic about riding, getting to a spot to stop, being able to stop, going fast downhill, all of that. I actually went fast enough downhill that I couldn’t pedal in the big rings! that was amazing, actually countersteering around the curves. So happy!

Funny moment getting into Woodside, there was someone BBQ’ing, and normally that would be ok, but my stomach was being very sensitive and I almost threw up from the smell. Another moment was a bicyclist who wasn’t on the ride with us, was parked on the side of the road and did this thing where he blew his nose to clear it just as I was riding past (he did it on the other side away from me, fortunately) but something about the noise also just made me actually retch while riding. I love Victoza, I love how its working for me, but these funny side effects of smells and being occasionally easily nauseated is really funny/sad/annoying, but mostly funny.

(that poor bicyclist, can you imagine if I’d actually barfed right next to him? heh.)

BTW: Blood sugar during the ride was also consistent, within 110-135 on my meter.

It was also great having people being so supportive, yelling ‘go red rider’ or saying it as I passed them, or they passed me. Byron was also awesome in cheering other riders along as well.

The hills weren’t terrible, they were completely doable, and it will be exciting to start pushing myself up steeper hills. There’s a 60 mile ride in the fall that I’ve already signed up for – its really going to be tough, so its time to up that ante in terms of working on hills.

So thank you again, everyone, for texting, tweeting, FB'ing, emailing me supportive messages while I was doing the ride. Thank you everyone for donating, and being super supportive in general. I'm so happy to be doing this for myself, and for continuing to get better at doing riding my bicycle!

A silent auction to help raise funds for the American Diabetes Association's Tour De Cure

Please join Gayathri and Byron
on Sunday, June 5, 2011
from 4pm to 7 pm at

Secession Art and Design
3361 Mission St SF CA 94110
(across from 30th St Safeway


As some of you may know, last year, Byron, Valerie and I all did the ADA’s Tour de Cure in Napa. This year, Val did the Napa ride, and Byron and I are doing the one in Palo Alto the weekend after my birthday.

Come help celebrate by raising money towards our goal for the ride, raising awareness about diabetes, or come by to drink some wine and eat some cheese, peruse the art hanging at Secession, and bid on wine, art and yarn up for auction.


Please also feel free to visit: http://main.diabetes.org/goto/gayathri
and: http://main.diabetes.org/goto/byronium

Tonite  is Shiva's night, an evening commeorating one of the three major gods in the Hindu Pantheon.


There are other stories of Shiva in his aspect of Nataraja (lit. "Lord of dance") doing the famous Tandava, describing the stages of the Universe - creation, preservation, destruction. I found a bunch of cool stories here: http://www.hindu-blog.com/2007/02/shivaratri-myths.html

Unlike a lot of other holidays, this one doesnt have a lot of food and celebration. Most devotees fast (I wont be. blergh!) and pray all day/ night, washing their statues of Shiva with milk, honey, water, offering flowers, fruit. I'll be going to Yoga, which seems to be exactly the right thing to do. 

Its on the night of the new moon, which can symbolize a time for "evil forces" – desire, greed, illusion, arrogance, jealousy, and anger to take control. My intention tonite is to  ask for strength to see through the 'evil' and find the truth. I dont believe in 'dispelling' emotions, or that they are in themselves 'evil' - how we act on them can be seen as good or evil, but the feelings themselves are all good, all from our purest self - they are signals to us to search for the truth. 

I'm overworked, learning the ropes, and loving it. (this is regarding work)

I also have a housemate moving in! she's a friend of chuck and erica's, and we're going to test it out and see how it goes. I'm rearranging furniture and moving things around. I'm also tossing / donating a bunch of stuff so I feel really good about that too.

I was going to go to yoga tonite, but it turns out the teacher I wanted to see isnt teaching at YKSF anymore, and I didnt feel up to meeting a new teacher. So I'm signed up for Monday and Wednesday next week. Wednesday is Shivratri - Shiva's Night - and according to Hindu astrologers, the planets align in a way to encourage an upsurge of energy. Its a good evening to be awake and aware. So, I'm going to yoga. Skeeter's doing a special prayer for Shivratri, and I'm open to seeing how that feels.

My friend pug called me this week - it was good to hear from her and reconnect, I hope my babbling wasnt too overly TMI, and I'm glad I heard how things had gone with her when her mother passed. I pray still that she went quietly and not in fear.

Monday, I had off, and spent it cleaning up my apartment. That felt really good, my asthma and sinus' seem to be under control and I can actually clean. I think tho, going forward, I may have someone come in twice a month again for the kitchen and bathroom. I can mostly take care of the rest on my own. Monday night, went down to Palo Alto and boughtmyself a 40inch sony tv. ;) Next week, picking up the XboX Kinect next week. Looking forward to playing with the Kinect for sure.

Wednesday, had dinner with Byron and C (new housemate) at Velvet Cantina - the Sam Worthington look alike bartender was there. ZOMG, he's so damn cute. And sweet. I need to go back a little more often. ;) I only had two margaritas! ;)

the kittens are awesome! I adore them so much - you can see pictures here

I worked from home yesterday, and the weather was _awful_ - poor B had to work late, so we missed going to the Alliance Franciase to see the photographer that looked interesting. Sad my Hot Date Night got spoiled, but understand that work happens! We went instead to Ichi and had good sushi, and a lovely time, came back, and watched Crazy Heart by the fire... ok, so maybe my HDN was still pretty good!

I thought I might be getting an ear / sinus infection, so stayed home today to make sure I could netipot, drink lots of liquids and basically work straight from 8 am to 630 pm (whoops)

Looking forward to moving in the housemate, maybe mtn biking tomorrow, cooking with B, biking with B and llamaeyes, and rhiannonstone's birthday dinner. (busy enough!)


I've got a couple on the camera I need to get off soon.

where other than my jeans, everything I am wearing is either from SmartWool (underwear, socks, hat) or Columbia - long sleeved fuzzy, jacket and shoes.

I'm also super cranky. I'm not sure why. Tho from HALT, I'm am Hungry, feeling Lonely, and Tired. The weather chills me, and tires me out.

But, this too shall pass. :)