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stream of consciousness before sleep...
Oct. 16th, 2008 09:15 pmSo the things I can't stand about myself is when I dont face up to difficult to deal with things. So of course when someone else does that, it makes me even crazier.
You ever know someone you thought was pretty cool and you spent a lot of time and energy and money to be around or with, because when things were ok, then it was really ok to do that? I have this bad habit of checking how much I spent and thinking of what I could have bought instead of having wasted that money and time on them. Then of course I get to beat myselfup for thinkng of it as wasted time and money. Lessons learned, lessons learned, I keep reminding myself they are lessons _hard_ learned. Or as a wise person told me recently, "If they didnt love you, they were jerks." So yea, you were jerks.
The current lesson is still about non attachment - whether its work, or love, or friendship. How to balance that with what I need and want? (What's really the goal here? to be happy or to be right? I want to be happy. :) )
The other part of that is still that the worst thing to do to me is withold information because you thought it might hurt my feelings. It hurts me far far more to have information, news, good or bad witheld than it does to learn it. My parents still dont know it. It makes me crazy. I'm a big girl. TELL ME. I hate being the mushroom. hate it. makes me actively angry.
Found in lil_brown_bat's flickr: http://flickr.com/photos/87855317@N00/2947633602/in/photostream/
oh, new england in the fall. I miss you so much. I did not have the finances together to go this year, but next year, as I will it. Someone want to send me some leaves from fall? You do that as a kid? Pick leaves and tape them to cardboard, and cover them with paper, and scrape crayon on it? I did. I used to rake the leaves in the yard and run and jump into them. I loved the smell of wood burning in that crisp fall air.
darling puggie has a picture to put up of me, I wait with bated breath, in anticipation!
I'm so tired, I've been running into things. I've managed to bruise my ankle, elbow and my hand again.
I had a great dinner with the partial array tonite - steak frites. what a girl sometimes needs is a glass of good red wine and steak and fries.
Had a great dinner with them last night too - we went to a peruvian place on Cortland and had Tapas, or as the redneck prnounces it, "Tape-ass" (dont get me wrong, I adore that redneck)
Ok, bed, 0530 comes early.
You ever know someone you thought was pretty cool and you spent a lot of time and energy and money to be around or with, because when things were ok, then it was really ok to do that? I have this bad habit of checking how much I spent and thinking of what I could have bought instead of having wasted that money and time on them. Then of course I get to beat myselfup for thinkng of it as wasted time and money. Lessons learned, lessons learned, I keep reminding myself they are lessons _hard_ learned. Or as a wise person told me recently, "If they didnt love you, they were jerks." So yea, you were jerks.
The current lesson is still about non attachment - whether its work, or love, or friendship. How to balance that with what I need and want? (What's really the goal here? to be happy or to be right? I want to be happy. :) )
The other part of that is still that the worst thing to do to me is withold information because you thought it might hurt my feelings. It hurts me far far more to have information, news, good or bad witheld than it does to learn it. My parents still dont know it. It makes me crazy. I'm a big girl. TELL ME. I hate being the mushroom. hate it. makes me actively angry.
Found in lil_brown_bat's flickr: http://flickr.com/photos/87855317@N00/2947633602/in/photostream/
oh, new england in the fall. I miss you so much. I did not have the finances together to go this year, but next year, as I will it. Someone want to send me some leaves from fall? You do that as a kid? Pick leaves and tape them to cardboard, and cover them with paper, and scrape crayon on it? I did. I used to rake the leaves in the yard and run and jump into them. I loved the smell of wood burning in that crisp fall air.
darling puggie has a picture to put up of me, I wait with bated breath, in anticipation!
I'm so tired, I've been running into things. I've managed to bruise my ankle, elbow and my hand again.
I had a great dinner with the partial array tonite - steak frites. what a girl sometimes needs is a glass of good red wine and steak and fries.
Had a great dinner with them last night too - we went to a peruvian place on Cortland and had Tapas, or as the redneck prnounces it, "Tape-ass" (dont get me wrong, I adore that redneck)
Ok, bed, 0530 comes early.
