gayathri: (Default)
it has, and I blame being happy, working hard, riding my bicycle and continuing positive changes in my world.

Read more... )

Speaking of cats, cutting this short, heading on home to run some errands and get them to my place. I wfh tomorrow, getting the chimney swept, and need to straighten up the house a bit so there's access to the fireplace. :)

Breathing

Jan. 29th, 2011 09:15 am
gayathri: (Default)
It keeps coming back to that - breathing. I had a pulmonary function test this week, and seeing the pulmonary guy next week. My breathing has been a lot better, and this is to confirm it, so that I can start reducing my drug intake for asthma. The test itself was pretty physically stressful. I dont like breathing through my mouth, and I dont like having my nose held or pinched, and this is all about breathing unnaturally. The gentleman giving the test seemed disturbed that I was having trouble, but so calm about it. I was being a little stoic, and I think it unnerved him. I finally told him I didnt like having to breathe through my mouth, having my nose pinced, and worse, the albuterol. He seemed even more confused that I was still so calm about it.

The albuterol made me jittery and gave me a raging headache. But after the test, it was so amazing to walk outside, and breathe in deeply in and out through my nose. It was fantastic! Feeling that breath moving down into the very bottom of my lungs, and out. Through my nose. :)

Yoga also has been really good with the breathing. I havent been feeling like I need any fast acting inhalers while I'm doing it. Let's see how Spin Class goes next week.

In the more serious aspect of breathing - my friend Princess Always Learning was telling me about going to see a family member before they passed away. And the breathing, the short shallow fast breaths, the fear that it would be the last one, the speed making it almost too hard to sit and be there. She'd never done that before. I havent done it either, but my imagination is pretty good. I could feel my throat closing up, my breath getting faster and shallower. I thought about him tho, surrounded by all the people who loved him, quietly, just breathing.


Less serious:

This past week has been pretty good workwise - taking on more responsibility, trying to figure out how things work, trying to figure out how the people work... Thursday was insane with meetings and timezone issues. Many of my new customers are East Coast. I see that waking up and checking email right away is going to be part of my schedule again...

At home, Byronium's been helping me paint my bedroom. its going slowly because we're doing it after work, and both of us are getting home a little late these days. But the room's been primed, and the first coat is on - its VERY purple. ;) I like it! We should get it finished this weekend. I'm slowly moving along with rearranging the rooms, etc - I plan on moving all the books out of the dining room so I can move the dining room table back to make more room to play Dance Central. ;) 

Today, off to get my hair cut. I was hoping to get up early and go to the farmer's market, but I got distracted by a snuggly cat. VERY snuggly cat. :)  I dunno what or when I'd have time to cook this weekend! (or next week. How'd it get so busy?!?) 
gayathri: (Default)

Sometimes, Yoga ends up being a lot about facing the not so 'cute' things in my life, my head so full of grief, or anger, or sadness, or pain. Its been a good thing to move through those feelings, to sit with them, to really 'feel my feelings'. I'm amazingly grateful for the time and space that happened to me (or I allowed to happen myself) to do this.

Last night wasnt like that. Last night was so completely different that I've been sort of walking in a daze, amazed at the world.
the Gory Details...  )and when things were hard - like my hips and ankles were just not interested in moving in certain ways last night, I'd get as comfortable as possible, and pray as I did as a child, breathing in and out:


Sri Ram, Jai Ram, Jai Jai Ram
Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare!

 

and the only images in my head were something like this:
 
or:


when I was a child, these were similar to images that I liked depicting some of my favorite representations of God, so its comforting, joyful, and in my mind, a sign of peace when I see them. (tho the images in my head are always much darker. ;) darker blue in fact.)
 

So not perfect in that all I have is the breath, but a deep peace being in the moment.

The not so philosopical parts: was amazing and lovely to see Rhiannonstone, and to meet her friend. Its good to share this space with you! She was kind enough to pick up an item from Lush and in case I did have an allergy to it, seal it up in a ziploc bag! I love when friends notice these things and do it to take care of me.
gayathri: (Default)

Short: company holiday party, errands, @byronium's bocce Birthday Bash...

TLDR... )



gayathri: (Default)


Always speak of the past, gratefully.

Of the future, excitedly.

And of the present, Gayathri, with bobbing eyebrows and a Cheshire grin.

Spiritual politics, baby -
   --- The Universe


I sometimes know, in the moment, when Yet Another Fucking Learning Experience occurs, that I will be grateful for it, but in that moment, I'm just so angry and annoyed at the Universe, I'm even angry about knowing I'll be grateful later.

But today, I'm grateful for the events of my past, for they make me the person I am right now, and she's awesome. (In many definations of awesome, btw!) 

gayathri: (Default)
"Unsolvable riddles, chronic frustrations, and maddening uncertainties won't be completely absent, but they could very well be at an all-time low."

I'd say this would be really rather awesome.

I have a job! Starting on Jan 10, I'll be working at Lithium Technologies: www.lithium.com - I'm excited about the opportunity, the team I'm working with, and you know, to be working again. Project Management is all about the above, but I dont mind it if the rest of my life can have a little more calm.

I love this feeling of movement, of not feeling like I'm stagnant and stuck  I blame yoga for some of this - forcing me to be in my body, to breathe and be in the moment, even when they have been hard. I have 'checked out' a few times, but am glad to be learning how to stay present and in my emotions and still manage.

(Yesterday's yoga class was AMAZING: we did a partner pose where in that moment, I not only felt supported in the pose, but also all the love, support, encouragement and sincere joy that my friends and loved ones have for me, and how I can reflect it back to them.

I'm sincerely excited about the possibilities in my life, and continue to look forward to the adventure.

Happy Holidays, all!


gayathri: (Default)
B made the Timpano from the movie. CRAZY - the meatballs were so good, and the entire thing was insanely dense. I'll definately want to make this again, I have some ideas on a vegetarian version so llamaeyes will enjoy it more! (plus I wont have to handle meat) 

Friday, I went shopping with SK - she took me to a high end consignment shop, where I ended up trying on mostly jeans - I didnt buy any of the uber small sizes jsut for my vanity, but it was an interesting experience being able to to try on clothes and hand them back as 'too big'. Except in the case of this amazing gucci jacket - wool pinstriped, _almost_ fit. ALMOST, damn it! It looked good too. :)

But the best part was not having those moments of self hatred in the dressing room but being able to look at things and say, "oh, that doesnt fit," and not have it be an indictment on what a terrible person I am for not being thinner. Amazing the stories we have in our heads!

I did find dress pants. :) 

and a pair of boots. anwyay.

Now I'm just waiting on B - we're off to Santa Rosa to go mountain biking!
gayathri: (Default)
I'm going to start posting with some xposting, let me know if you have a DW account!
gayathri: (Default)
I'm planning on moving off of LJ, tho will still crosspost.

Testing to see if open posts work, then if any custom groups are working as well.
gayathri: (Default)
Happy 1 year Anniversary to my  Specialized Dolce!  We've come a long way, baby. :) 

Last year, [livejournal.com profile] byronium  and I drove up to Portland, OR to do the Bridge Pedal. I had so much fun, I wanted to do it again, only this time, other people joined us! (YAY, RR!) 


This year, the trip didnt go as smoothly - byronium ate something that really didnt agree with him at all - he spent most of the weekend severely ill! He was still so sick Sunday morning, I had to go on my own -  nervewracking for me! But it wasnt at all bad, I followed other people heading to the start and found a whole lot of people. It was about 7 am, so didnt want to wake anyone, so tweeted instead.

The ride itself went really amazingly well - not at all hard, the hills werent bad at all. The biggest drawback - it started raining! I wasnt wearing long sleeves, or carrying a jacket, so I just got wet. Ooops. (I bought a lightweight jacket this weekend!)

I wore my Red Rider shirt from the ADA ride, not realizing the back of it says, "I ride with Diabetes" - I had a lot of people come by or as I passed them yell out "Go Red Rider!" or tell me they were riding with diabetes too. It was super touching and very emotional for me. Brought back a lot of great memories from the ride in May...

The views from the tops of the bridges were great, but I'd forgotten my camera in [livejournal.com profile] littletranquil 's car (doh) and didnt have any good way of getting pictures.

I also did pretty well timewise - its a 23 mile ride, and I did it in around 2.5 hours - including stops, resting, looking at views, trying to get my cell phone to work! 

I'm glad I went, even tho I was nervous doing it on my own. I'm looking forward to more rides. :) My dolce and I have a few more years together! 

Update!

Jul. 26th, 2010 09:16 am
gayathri: (Default)
I'm in NY this weekend - my brother is getting married and they had their engagement party on Saturday. This was a little crazy, I hadnt seen some of these folks since i"d graduated High School, or had attended their weddings 20 years earlier. They have kids in college now. COLLEGE.

It was a little tough showing up at an event like this - stuff that isnt so important 'feels' more so, due to cultural mores - many of my generation are married, have kids, own houses, no divorces, etc. instead I'm single, I'm unemployed, I dont have a house. At the same time, there were other cousins and childhood friends in the same 'boat', and we stuck together!

It was good to catch up, and my friend Arthur came to visit, tho one of my aunts insisted on being incredibly rude to him, speaking about him in our langauge, right in front of him. I put a stop to it by translating what she was saying.

Mom had to have the event catered - there were over 70 people at it, so the food wasnt the highlight for me. I barely ate, actually, missing the Idli/Sambar entirely.

It was nice spending time with Shauna and her friends too, I'm really happy for my brother.



Other things going on: the job hunt goes! (slowly, but going)
Victoza still doing its crazy miracle work - losing weight, still feeling good. I sometimes feel guilty at how 'easy' it is, but the same time, I couldnt have gotten HERE without some pretty hard work. And the 'easy' isnt that easy - I really have to pay attention when my body says "stop" or "dont eat that". I kinda miss fried chicken!

I started Yoga! Its a style called Anusura, that fits really well for me in not feeling too rigid, more like the practice I had with my family as a child. I like the teacher a lot, as she feels 'safe' and encouraging. I'm planning on checking out some other classes at this studio during the day as well. Some other folks in my life started with me, and I want to thank them again - I've had a lot of 'issues' around taking up yoga in the US, but their support in coming with me, and in being vocal about enjoying the classes has really helped a lot in keeping my confidence up to go and go again. I really appreciate that!

Need to start bicycling more - I'm signed up for a metric century in I think late September and I have to get my hillclimbing chops up.

I've started riding my motorcycle more as well - taking a day off each week from job hunting, etc to clear my head - I have some pics up: http://www.flickr.com/photos/vrika/tags/moto/



The weather on Long Island is the terrible heavy muggy that makes me want to stay indoors. I wont because the call of good pizza for lunch...

Really looking forward to being back in SF tomorrow! I have some new cooking ideas from Amma I want to try out on my friends. :) 





I want to send a BIG HUGE shout out to [livejournal.com profile] littletranquil  - her mom is going into the 1st of 25 days of radiochemotherapy, and I want to send out lots of love and strength to them both.
gayathri: (Default)
I've lost 18 lbs since starting the Victoza, lost about 3 dress sizes, and that's not really the good part. :) the good part? My HbA1C is 5.9. Average people, normal people, have A1C's of 4 - 5.9. :) 

My doc said his day was made at how well I'm responding to the medication and how happy I seem to be on it.

Some tweaks to see if I can get my fasting sugar lower, but otherwise, keep on keeping on! 

Kitten!!!

May. 27th, 2010 09:42 pm
gayathri: (Default)
meet the newest member of my family: Jupiter!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/vrika/sets/72157624151486374/

she's happily awake from her nap and is playing with some new toys...

(and she already ran across the keyboard...) 

*happy*
gayathri: (Default)
and I've been so stupidly busy, that I havent had a chance to even login and LJ!

notes about the bicycle ride in Napa still in the works! 

Trip so far has been awesome on the work front, incredibly busy and productive and tiring. Good on the connecting with coworkers. Not so great on missing the people I'm missing. I'm sleeping terribly - need to hit the store and get something tonite for sure.

I'm sort of up in the air for next weekend - should I go into london? Should I hang out here?
gayathri: (Default)
In just four short days, I'll be up in Napa for my third time ever, spending the day with hundreds of other cyclists riding in the Tour De Cure in Yountville,  a ride sponsored by the American Diabetes Association to raise money and awareness for diabetes research.

Rough, right? I'll be doing wine tours, on Saturday and Monday, riding my bike on Sunday, eating at the great restaurants in Yountville during the weekend... but what brought me here was not just that I myself have been actively struggling with diabetes but that family members are also being diagnosed. I was diagnosed at 22, at a point in my life where I was very active, in good shape, and not at all overweight. I ignored it for years, barely taking notice of it, much to the distress and distancing of very good friends and loved ones back east. It wasnt until some more severe health issues occurred that I started taking it seriously, and taking care of myself. I'm still not where I want to be - but I'm further along than before! taking the step to do this ride has encouraged me and my friends and loved ones to start riding our bicycles, and I dont think we'll be stopping when we are done up in Napa.

One of the best parts of this ride has been the encouragement of my endocrinologist to start up with a medication that has taken me off of insulin for the first time in _years_. I'm able to eat and process food like a 'normal' person! I can skip meals! I'm able to eat pasta! I'm not having blood sugar lows! (or extraordinary highs either!) This has been _amazing_ - those final pounds I've been unable to lose due to taking insulin are coming off, and while its not a cure, I may have found another method of maintaining my blood sugar that is really good for me and works!

I may never be able to undo all the harm I did to myself not quite understanding what it meant to have diabetes as a young woman -  I already have neuropathy in my extremities and may continue to lose feeling in my limbs, but I can and have made a continued commitment to caring for my body, for my health and continuing to look forward to living an active, healthy lifestyle.

Just 4 more days!  If you want to help, please donate even the cost of a cup of expensive, san francisco style, barista pulled, sustainably grown by monks in high mountains, cup of coffee (have you been to Four Barrel, Barefoot, or Philzz?) - if you do, I'll make you a cup of one of those fancy coffees. Folks who donate more than 50 dollars and are local to the bay area, I'll be happy to cook you a healthy, yummy fantastic South Indian feast (sometime in late june or early july): just click here: http://main.diabetes.org/goto/gayathri


with much love to you all for reading this far,
gayathri: (Default)
http://www.mapmyride.com/ride/united-states/ca/yountville/809127231288883219

link to my ride on Saturday! thanks, @byronium. The spot marked 35 was where I thought i was bonking! but the last five miles was fine.
gayathri: (Default)
Next week is the Tour De Cure for the ADA in Napa. I'm signed up to do 50 miles. I'm _excited_ about this - so this weekend, we drove up there to try and do about 40 miles along the route - which is by far the longest ride I've ever done. I've been not as consistent as I'd like about training, but feel confident that now that the bicycle fits, the shoes clip out and in easily, that this will be hard but not insane.

40 was hard - I did have some leg / thigh muscles cramp up due to lack of potassium - but plenty of electrolytes and stretching during the stops I made it to about mile 35, where I really just thought I might curl up and die - I was _tired_ - but I remembered this episode of Radio Lab that Byronium had played for me about how our bodies basically fool us into not using our 'last reserves' or that we often have much more endurance than we think we do.  (http://blogs.wnyc.org/radiolab/2010/04/05/limits/ ;) *edited to add* So I pushed on, and had my very first endorphin high while exercising - suddenly, I felt great! My pedaling was stronger, and more consistent, and I felt like I could go on forever. So I didnt stop until I got to the end and then drank more cytomax than I thought possible. :-) It was a really neat experience! 

One great accident on this ride was putting my foot down, slipping and FALLING INTO THE ROAD. You know, the one called Silverado where cars whiz by!  I manage to get up and in my excitement, flung my glove someplace. So I rode back all Michael Jackson style.



The best part was coming into the finish, seeing llamaeyes, byronium and anthropomorphic cheer for me. :) I did pretty good!

Today, my legs are sore from where the muscles cramped and the bottoms of my feet hurt (I think from the shoes) but mostly I remember passing orange roses, lots of poppies, and miles of vineyards...

This week, tuesday, another short ride, and thursday too. Stretching all this week, and drinking lots of cytomax and smartwater.

:)

Blood sugars are awesome! weight keeps melting off, things keep moving in the right direction.

One more week to help me: http://main.diabetes.org/goto/gayathri
gayathri: (Default)
yea, so like its still doing its thing making me not want to eat much. But the only things I want to eat are... south indian SPICY foods! I mean, I totally want to go home to Amma for like a week.

The other great thing is that while I'm not eating much, I feel like my energy is doing really well! I had to jog half a mile today and it wasnt bad at all! (I sitll hate running, but I had to get to the car shop before they closed and I did it!) 

Next year, definitely planning on doing this event with close friends - I think the distraction of trying to get to know people who arent either friends, or at work and dont have the same professional level of trust and understanding, made this far harder than it should have been.
gayathri: (Default)
Another almost week on Victoza. No insulin injected into me for almost two weeks now! 

Still have some naseua, and the slowing of food moving thru my stomach means I have to be ultra careful of not overeating. Testing to see what if anything causes trouble. Nothing really so far in terms of bad reactions - some uncomfortableness with some foods, checking again to see what combination caused it.

I'm a cheap drunk - 1.5 glasses of wine. I'm a cheap date - I can't eat much more than an appetizer.

So yesterday, we went bicycling, and it was cold and rainy and my blood sugars were good the entire time (except I dont know during the ride because it was too cold to get blood out of my fingers) - a late lunch of half of a buckwheat pancake with whipped cream, fresh berries was thoroughly enjoyed. Byronium and I had gone to get our toes done, and while at the salon, I got SUPER SLEEPY - which is usually my signal for, "oh, you stupid girl, you fucked up and ate too many carbs..." Freaking out, i check my blood sugar ... absolutely certain its going to be a TERRIBLE number (I ate a PANCAKE! with BERRIES! what was I thinking?) 

And found that the number was 104. Which is absolutely where I want it to be 2 hours after eating. Which meant I was simply sleepy because it was a cold, blustery, rainy day, I'd exerted myself that morning and now was relaxing with a lovely pedicure...

I mean, I was _just sleepy_!!! Like a normal girl! W000!

I refuse to continue to feel silly about how exciting that is for me. :)

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